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《武松大虎(现代版)》-英语搞笑小品剧本

01-17 http://www.pxzj8.com 英语小品剧本 人气:459

《武松大虎(现代版)》-英语搞笑小品剧本为http://www.pxzj8.com整理发布,类型为英语小品剧本,本站还有更多关于校园英语小品剧本,小学生英语小品剧本,英语小品,校园搞笑小品剧本,活动策划 - 小品剧本与相声剧本 - 英语小品剧本的文章。 正文:

第一幕:喝酒
  武松:Hello! I am Wu Song. The most handsome, the most famous, the most clever man in Liang Shan. I am going home to kill my sister in law Pan jinlian! She poisoned my brother. I told my brother Pan jinlian was dangerous. But My brother still married her. (叹气,唉….跟音乐一起唱且跳舞)Dangerous, dangerous! The girl is dangerous.
  武松(见到酒店一家):A restaurant! Good. I am hungry. (进屋坐下)Waiter! Wine! Wine! The best wine!
  小二:Hi, sir. Sit down please. Would you like XO, Er Guo Tou, Mao Tai, or Qing Dao beer?
  武松:(晕晕乎乎地)How much is the XO?
  小二:1880 ( 展示大瓶酒,醒目的标价)。
  武松:Open…Open…..(喷嚏)(小二将酒瓶起开)
  武松:(面怒,片刻无语)Open the window please!Not the wine. I want some er guo tou! It’s strong enough.
  小二
[热门]新《水浒》 :You….You…..(敢怒不敢言, 转身倒碗二锅头),Ok. Here you are.
  武松:Anything to eat?
  小二:Would you like sandwiches, hamburgers, bread, or pizza?
  武松:Ten pizzas, please.
  小二: Here you are!
  武松:(喝一口酒)Good wine, very good wine!
  (小二上了两碗酒www.seo0793.com,武松喝了,却是不再倒了)
  武松:I want more wine. Why not serve me?服务员!淘宝最有效的减肥药排行榜怎么不倒酒了?
  小二:Sir, More pizzas OK, more wine no way! 客官,要比萨饼就给您,这酒就不添了。
  武松:(生气) Why? I have money! (扔钱倒桌上)
  掌柜:Look! (指着 “三碗不过冈”牌子)。This wine is very strong. One bowl, comfortable. Two bowls, can’t walk. Three bowls, drunk and fall!,(叫店小二示范) 喝一碗神清气爽,喝两碗保你浑身无力,喝三碗就立刻醉倒,最多喝保证你酒精中毒,命都没有了……
  武松:(喝一口,挤笑)Who am i? Wu Song! Even 18 bowls is nothing for me. Give me wine!(咆哮,敲桌子) 不是我狂妄,这酒劲虽大,可我绝对是应付得了,就是喝上十八碗也只是漱口而已,倒酒www.jdlqq.com!
  掌柜:But you must call this number first.(掏出手机,出示电话号码, 旁边注明棺材预订), Then I will serve you more wine.
  武松:(勉强同意,做打电话状)Hello!.......
  小二:Here is your wine. But your last meal, I think.你的酒来了!慢慢喝,估计是你最后一顿了。
  (武松冷哼一声。一次次举起大碗,眨眼间十八碗酒就下了肚吃完了,拎着他的棍子就走)
  小二:Where are you going, sir?
  武松:Jing yang gang去景阳冈后面的阳谷县。
  服务员:Oh, my god. You want to die? There is a tiger there. It has eaten 30 People. You’d better not go today. It’s dark. 客官万万去不得!如今景阳冈上有只华南虎,天一黑就出来害人,已经害了三十几个人,官府限期叫猎户去捉,冈下都有广告,除了中午,都不能过冈,现在已经快天黑了,你不要命就去吧。我看你还是在我这里住一晚最好。
  武松:(醉醺醺地) A tiger? I’ll kill it! Look ! I am so strong. I am good at Kong Fu!(秀肌肉,舞弄棍子,踢腿。)老虎?我要杀了它! 看我有多壮!我的功夫多棒!
  掌柜:You are drunk. Don’t go.看你这样子就知道你喝多了,怎么说起胡话了?可万万去不得!
  武松:(生气) Go away! (摇摇晃晃走了) 切,减肥药哪种好最讨厌人家小看我了,一边呆着去。
  掌柜:(摇头叹气)e mi tuo fo! God bless you! A men! (阿弥陀佛,上帝保佑,阿门)
  第二幕:打虎 www.pxzj8.com
  (武松提着短棍,大着步,径向景阳冈走去摇摇晃晃地走了一段路,有一只老虎跳出来)
  武松:Oh!My god! It’s a real mother tiger! ( 跪地求饶) Miss tiger. let me go! My mother is 80 years old. My son is only 2 years old. Please. Please! 为什么要让我碰见这只老虎?我才活了几年啊!我不想死!我上有八十岁的老母,下有未出世的儿女,我死了我们全家怎么活呀!
  老虎:(大笑) I like pork. I like beef. I like chicken. But my favourite is human meat. Ha, ha….哈哈,我喜欢猪肉,牛肉,鸡肉。但我的最爱是人肉!哈哈哈。。。(准备扑过去)
  武松:(做暂停手势)Stop! Let me have a look. Are you a real tiger? 等等, 你是真老虎吗?
  老虎:Of course! Come and see. My fur, my teeth, and my tail! 当然啦!来瞧瞧我的虎皮, 虎牙, 还有虎尾巴。
  武松:Yes, yes. You are real. Can I take a photo? I will put it on the newspaper.是的,是的。你是真老虎。我可以拍个照吗?我要把它放到报纸上去。
  (掏出相机,准备拍摄)
  老虎:Newspaper? Super star! Great! Come on! 上报纸?太好了。 来吧, 拍吧!(摆pose)
  武松开闪光灯拍照,啪啪。。。!
  老虎:(眼睛被闪花了。东摸洗摸。)Oh, no. I can’t see now! Oh, no!
  武松:(举起棍子就打) I will kill you and sell you for lots of money!
  (棍子打到虎背上断成两截)
  老虎:You cheat me ! I will eat you! ( 东扑西扑)你骗我,我要吃了你!
  武松:(用绳子把棍子连接起来)ha, ha. Shuang Jiegun! (舞动起来,音乐《双截棍》)
  老虎:Eat you! Eat you! Eat you!.......(扑,扑, 扑。喘粗气)I am tired!
  武松一样喘粗气, 提棍子再打。 被老虎一爪子扇掉! 老虎顺势再扑, 武松情急之下脱掉鞋子向老虎扔去。老虎接住鞋子,一闻,大叫一声(my god!Hong kong foot!)瞬时被臭得晕了过去。武松抓住时机上前一阵狂扁。老虎刚要醒来,武松把另一只鞋子在它脸上一晃。老虎一歪脖子,彻底呜呼!
  武松:Great!it’s dead. I am too tired.( 枕着老虎就睡着了。鼾声阵阵….)
  第二天早上,(公鸡啼叫…喔,喔!)一群猎户走过发现武松和老虎。
  猎户甲:Oh, he killed the tiger! Our hero!
  众猎户:hero! Hero! Hero!......(簇拥武松下山) (突然警笛声响起!)一辆警车停在众人面前。警察下车,一把铐住武松。
  警察甲:You killed the tiger? We should protect tigers! Follow us to the police station!
  武松:Why? Why? I’m the hero. Let me go! Let me go! …..

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